Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
