I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
