The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
