he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
