I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
