My brain says no but my pants say off.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
