ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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