I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
