did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
