im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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