Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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