she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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