It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
