Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So vagazzling was a success
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
