omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
