At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
