listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
