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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
