Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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