haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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