I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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