I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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