Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Quick, to the slutcave!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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