Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
