Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
