Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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