WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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