To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
