I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In other news, I just burned my penis
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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