Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize