So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
