So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
