Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize