I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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