He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
third nipple confirmed
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
