No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
