she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
