Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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