Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
