absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
