Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
