Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
