Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
