I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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