I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
