dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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