I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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