the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
