i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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