My first STD was from a foam party
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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