Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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