Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
