Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
