you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
