Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
