paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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