Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
