whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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