He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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