What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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