Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
