Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
