Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
