I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
