someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
