My Higher Power is John Stamos
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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