I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
