I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
