dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We got so high we made milksteak
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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