She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
