life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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