If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize