Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
